Anon 9, part 2

Posted with permission, via PM, Jan 28

I’m Anon #9, and I just saw this comment on Facebook and wanted to add some things. Here is the comment:

“A few years ago a partner and I were at Jeff’s apartment, one of his partners was there. Outside of that person’s hearing Jeff convinced us to play a trick on them. We were supposed to make them think we were there to take Jeff’s partner back to our place (located in the next state) for sex because Jeff decided to give them to us. I was younger and newer in the scene and area, I played along. I don’t know if that was part of their agreed dynamic or not and that still makes me think to this day.”

I think this was me, if not then he did that same thing to me at least twice that I can remember. The first time happened like the comment says, I came in from the bathroom or something and everyone was acting like I was going to be leaving with these two people. I was shocked and a little scared, but I played along because I didn’t want to upset anybody. When they said it was just a joke, I was relieved and told myself not to worry about it.

The second time was when we were driving somewhere together to meet with some friends of his and he was telling me about those friends, another couple. He told me that he had told them they could play with me and that I’d go back to their place with them. He told me that they were very sadistic and had a cattle prod (or some other electric toy) that wasn’t exactly legal, that my heart would probably be fine but I might end up in the hospital. He told me they liked to cut people and that I would end up bleeding. I sat there stunned, terrified at the prospect of being electrocuted and cut up by people I didn’t even know. Again, I was too afraid to say no and disappoint him so I said “Um…okay?” He put his hand on my knee and said in a nice soft voice that he was just kidding, of course he would never do that to me but “the fact that you would do that for me means so much.”

I remember in both cases mostly being upset that I would be away from him, spending time with people I didn’t know. He and I had blocked out that time together and he was saying he’d rather give me away to someone else than spend that time with me, and I was so upset about that that it didn’t even occur to me to be upset about the fact that he thought of me as some kind of toy to lend out to people without consulting me first. When it turned out he was “just joking,” I was so relieved that I would be staying with him that I brushed it off both times and told myself that it was fine, he really did care about me. I had forgotten about both of these events until last night, and I had a mild panic attack and almost threw up when I remembered them, so suffice it to say it was not fine.

(By the way, to the one who posted this comment, in case you were worrying I don’t blame you for this happening! I’m sorry he roped you into such a weird situation, and like you said you didn’t know anything about our dynamic so you couldn't have known that we had never negotiated anything like that. He has taken advantage of people’s ignorance in so many ways, and we were both victims in that scenario.)

(Also thanks so much for the responses to my story, it really means a lot! This stuff is hard to share but I think it’s important, and I’m so glad people believe and support me. To those who have been hurt by him, or anyone else, I believe and support you too.)