Wednesday, February 10, 2021

TDW (from SH)

 Facebook post, 2/10/21 from Sarah Hunter, posted with permission: 

Fuck it. Others are naming names, so let’s get this out in the open. This will be my last post on the subject and then I want to get on with my life and stop talking about it. 

Thomas Dean Willeford is a serial cheater and abuser. I dated and lived with him from 2010-2015. During that time, he emotionally manipulated me, gaslit me about things I had/had not said and done, and negged me about my body. He routinely insulted me, debased me, and encouraged me to engage in unhealthy diets. He belittled me for my behaviors, habits, and thought processes, which later were diagnosed as symptoms of ADHD.

He disparages everyone, including his “best” friends. He pits women against each other and calls them “crazy”. He encourages his partners to coerce other women sexually. He lies about his relationships with other women and shares intimate photos and videos without consent. He coerces women to engage in sexual activity and threatens to break up with them if they don't consent. He threatens self harm and uses the silent treatment and intermittent reinforcement, withholding affection when his partners don’t do what he wants. 

He fat shames women and encourages others to do so. He deprecates people with mental illness, particularly those with Autism (I have seen this firsthand). He uses trans people’s dead names. He “rescues” people in desperate situations and then grooms them, making many of them his submissives, live-in domestics, and “interns”, encouraging his partners to “play” with them. He often lies about the nature of these relationships. Many of the women involved are very young.

Thomas Dean Willeford blames me and other romantic partners prior to me for his financial situation, which is his own fault. He claims my family gave him money to run his business (they did not). He claims that he is solely responsible for making me famous (he is not). 

He broke furniture and other things around me during fights and self harmed in front of me because I “drove [him] to it”. He threatened to send my 20-year-old cat back to the pound after we broke up and I moved out, because I slept with someone he knew. When my cat was diagnosed with cancer, I was in LA for work and he told me he couldn’t wait one week until I got home to have her euthanized (I paid for it — she was my cat). He has never had another pet euthanized before or since.

My relationship with Thomas Dean Willeford has severely impacted my personal and professional relationships. I have spent years in both one-on-one therapy and multiple therapy groups. I have nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, and multiple other C-PTSD symptoms that I did not have prior to our relationship. I dissociate. I am on multiple anti-anxiety medications. I have an eating disorder.

The past week has been one long anxiety attack. I’m exhausted. 

Thomas will tell you that I am saying these things in a desperate need for attention because I’m sad about my life or because cancel culture or whatever. All things considered, 2020 was BY FAR not my worst year. I am in a supportive and loving relationship, debt-free, financially stable, and I have many wonderful friends. I have nothing to gain by talking and a lot to lose. 

If I ever made anyone here uncomfortable or coerced you to do something you didn’t want to do, please know that I was also being coerced and I am sincerely sorry. 


Now for the Q&A, so we can get that over with:

Q: Why didn’t you say something about this sooner?

A: I was scared and embarrassed.

Q: Why didn’t you tell me at the time?

A: See above.

Q: Why didn’t you leave sooner?

A: I had very little money of my own and hoped things would stop or get better (they did not).

Q: Why didn’t you go to the cops?

A: I technically “consented” and you can’t arrest someone just for being an asshole.

Q: How can I help?

A: If you know someone who may be dating him, has dated him in the past, or dates him in the future, warn them, encourage them to leave and to seek help. Do not encourage them to come forward unless they choose to. 

Thank you everyone for all your love and support 🖤

EDIT: I made a lot of excuses for his behavior over the years, for various reasons. Not doing that, anymore. He's a dick.


  1. I was one of those he "rescued". I lived there for 3 months while he was with Sarah. It was a nightmare. I started sleepwalking (and would walk right out of the house). Over one weekend I developed a stutter. My life was a mess, and Hurricane Thomas was the center of it.

  2. As of this winter, it was 14 years since I worked with you when you were in the DMV area and I am sad to hear this news. It pulls together hints I have seen for the nearly 40 years I have known him. People change and those idolized and respected in youth sometimes change for the worse. I apologize if there was any time I may have made you uncomfortable or enabled any of his behavior towards you or CG. He is not only a cad, but a thief of intellectual property. As a judge, he cheated a long time friend of mine, a talented costume designer, of first place in a costume con and later used the design he shorted as his own to great acclaim. I am shamed I ignored this and other things despite
    growing evidence. I hope that you and the others find some peace and that he reaps the bitter harvest of his many deceits. The accusations brought up bring to mind the issue of ASD in areas like sci-fi fandom. Having been diagnosed myself, I am acutely aware of both how clueless we may be in our interaction and crossing boundaries we are socially blind to and how that also makes us exploitable, I hope this open some doors that need a light shining in.

  3. Anyone here a wikipedia editor? Perhaps a "controversies" section needs to be added? or Personal Warnings? No idea how to make sure such content gets through the editing process.

    1. Wiki needs sources and Favebook/personal blogs don't count, unfortunately.

  4. Just read Sarah's post about this on Instagram, which lead me here. Kudos to her and anyone else who speaking out. Hopefully he'll still be made to pay for his crimes.

  5. I'm happy you got out of that relationship. He sounds like a textbook narcissist someone who believes he is God and above all morality. As somebody with ASD myself I find it disgusting that he took advantage of you. The fact that he gasolate you too it kind of reminds me of my previous relationships with narcissists. Don't ever go back to him. Keep moving forward onwards and upwards.