TDW (from SH)

 Facebook post, 2/10/21 from Sarah Hunter, posted with permission: 

Fuck it. Others are naming names, so let’s get this out in the open. This will be my last post on the subject and then I want to get on with my life and stop talking about it. 

Thomas Dean Willeford is a serial cheater and abuser. I dated and lived with him from 2010-2015. During that time, he emotionally manipulated me, gaslit me about things I had/had not said and done, and negged me about my body. He routinely insulted me, debased me, and encouraged me to engage in unhealthy diets. He belittled me for my behaviors, habits, and thought processes, which later were diagnosed as symptoms of ADHD.

He disparages everyone, including his “best” friends. He pits women against each other and calls them “crazy”. He encourages his partners to coerce other women sexually. He lies about his relationships with other women and shares intimate photos and videos without consent. He coerces women to engage in sexual activity and threatens to break up with them if they don't consent. He threatens self harm and uses the silent treatment and intermittent reinforcement, withholding affection when his partners don’t do what he wants. 

He fat shames women and encourages others to do so. He deprecates people with mental illness, particularly those with Autism (I have seen this firsthand). He uses trans people’s dead names. He “rescues” people in desperate situations and then grooms them, making many of them his submissives, live-in domestics, and “interns”, encouraging his partners to “play” with them. He often lies about the nature of these relationships. Many of the women involved are very young.

Thomas Dean Willeford blames me and other romantic partners prior to me for his financial situation, which is his own fault. He claims my family gave him money to run his business (they did not). He claims that he is solely responsible for making me famous (he is not). 

He broke furniture and other things around me during fights and self harmed in front of me because I “drove [him] to it”. He threatened to send my 20-year-old cat back to the pound after we broke up and I moved out, because I slept with someone he knew. When my cat was diagnosed with cancer, I was in LA for work and he told me he couldn’t wait one week until I got home to have her euthanized (I paid for it — she was my cat). He has never had another pet euthanized before or since.

My relationship with Thomas Dean Willeford has severely impacted my personal and professional relationships. I have spent years in both one-on-one therapy and multiple therapy groups. I have nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, and multiple other C-PTSD symptoms that I did not have prior to our relationship. I dissociate. I am on multiple anti-anxiety medications. I have an eating disorder.

The past week has been one long anxiety attack. I’m exhausted. 

Thomas will tell you that I am saying these things in a desperate need for attention because I’m sad about my life or because cancel culture or whatever. All things considered, 2020 was BY FAR not my worst year. I am in a supportive and loving relationship, debt-free, financially stable, and I have many wonderful friends. I have nothing to gain by talking and a lot to lose. 

If I ever made anyone here uncomfortable or coerced you to do something you didn’t want to do, please know that I was also being coerced and I am sincerely sorry. 

——

Now for the Q&A, so we can get that over with:

Q: Why didn’t you say something about this sooner?

A: I was scared and embarrassed.

Q: Why didn’t you tell me at the time?


A: See above.

Q: Why didn’t you leave sooner?

A: I had very little money of my own and hoped things would stop or get better (they did not).

Q: Why didn’t you go to the cops?

A: I technically “consented” and you can’t arrest someone just for being an asshole.

Q: How can I help?

A: If you know someone who may be dating him, has dated him in the past, or dates him in the future, warn them, encourage them to leave and to seek help. Do not encourage them to come forward unless they choose to. 

Thank you everyone for all your love and support 🖤

EDIT: I made a lot of excuses for his behavior over the years, for various reasons. Not doing that, anymore. He's a dick.