A new person reached out to me April 9, 2018 with yet another JM tale.
While my story is nowhere near most of the egregious and horrifying I have read, I have felt the need to come forward share my story with everyone. It is yet another example of JM and his predatory behavior.
I met him when I was 17 (I did turn 18 during the course of our “friendship”) which would have put him at about 28 years old, I am told. He spoke openly about his interests, the con he was putting together and kink. Kink, specifically, was something I had found interesting and exciting even prior to our meeting. Though I hadn’t been particularly attracted to him, I found his candor and insights intriguing. We began to spend some time together. From the first time I spent time with him alone, I felt uneasy for reasons I couldn’t pinpoint at the time.
I only attended a couple cons. The first one, because I felt uncomfortable and wouldn’t have known anyone in attendance, a very close male friend agreed to come with me. The night went well and my friend and I ended up getting a room at the hotel for the night. When I woke the next morning, my friend told me that JM had paid a late-night visit to our room. He remarked upon the way JM had come into the room and watched me sleep while they had a brief chat. I remember feeling a bit disconcerted by this, wondering why JM stopped by to begin with. But I just shook it off and told myself he was being friendly and welcoming.
As we spent some more time together, JM began to take on a pseudo-mentor role with me, despite us never really truly crossing into overtly sexual territory.
Being young and rather inexperienced (all around), I was completely naive as to what a proper D/s relationship entailed. I had no idea negotiation was even an option. If someone had said the words “hard and soft limits” to me, I would not have had a clue what that meant. In retrospect, especially after reading what I have, I believe he was attempting to groom me into whatever he wanted. He did things like have me kneel at his feet in restaurants, which was far outside my comfort zone. This was something I did not want to do, but I also wanted to learn and please him. At times I felt that I was being “shown off,” which felt both validating and uncomfortable.
We never entered into a formal relationship, but aspects of a relationship or arrangement were at play. Again, there was not a single discussion of hard or soft limits. JM was aware of my complete ignorance about the lifestyle. And yet, he just did what he wanted, or instructed me to do what he wanted. Most of this was not extreme. The incident that sticks with me the most was when, walking down the street, JM turned around rather suddenly (I don’t remember the catalyst to this, if there was one) and wrapped his hand around my throat, pushing me back and up against something, a telephone pole maybe? I was afraid, embarrassed, confused and shocked, so some details are fuzzy. I attempted to look calm and collected while we stood on a populated, public street and he choked me. This went on long enough for passers by to pause and look concerned. A group of nuns passed, I made eye contact with one, hoping she would see how frightened I was. Everyone simply kept walking though. (I don’t blame anyone for not intervening). JM eventually withdrew his hand and complimented how I handled myself. This was conflicting, to say the least.
One thing that certainly bothers me is that JM was aware of my history of abuse. Should a good Dom, or mentor, or whatever he was pretending to be, not realize that is something that needs to be handled in a specific way, especially considering my age and inexperience at the time? Because of that history, it wasn’t easy for me to speak up and say no. I was painfully shy and quiet at this point in my life. I also had a strong need to people please. I have seen JM masquerading as mentor and protector, but his actions prove the opposite to be true.
After one instance at his apartment where JM attempted to pressure me into stripping in front of a close friend of mine, the alarm bells were ringing loud and clear.
The final straw is something that I have now read time and time again. He invited me to his apartment one night, and I didn’t go. I had been freaked out by the previous behavior and was, frankly, afraid to go alone. Later that night I got a message from JM. To this day, I can’t understand what the motivation was, but it came across as taunting, an attempt to shame me for not showing up. He informed me that he had arranged for sex acts to take place that night, between me and a friend of his that I had only met once before, briefly in passing. He seemed to think I should have regretted not going. In fact, I felt nothing but relief. My consent was never asked for, there was no prior question or discussion as to whether I would have even been comfortable engaging in sexual activity with him OR someone else, let alone a man I didn’t know, in front of JM. I was truly horrified that JM would arrange something like that, and at this point I decided to listen to my gut and stay away. After the things I have now read, I feel so incredibly thankful things stopped where they did.
To everyone speaking out, everyone who has been victimized, used, and/or taken advantage of in any way, thank you all for coming forward. You are all incredibly strong and brave. I am so very grateful this has all been brought to light.